THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY

There's something about Ted Stroehmann that reeks -- LOSER! Ted is the type of guy whose angst drives his psychiatrist out of the room... the type of guy whose family jewels get caught in his zipper the night of his senior prom. This unfortunate everyman may not be lucky in life, but he was once lucky in love. At seventeen, he met the girl of every man's dreams, Mary Jensen, who asked him to their senior prom in Rhode Island. She was a real babe, a gem of a girl, until his jewels short-circuited the romance. After school ended that year, she moved with her family to Florida, and Ted never saw her again. But, there's something about Mary that still bewitches Ted. Although he hasn't seen her in over a dozen years, since that shameful prom night, his heart still flutters at the recollection of her. He's still crazy about her after all these years, and curious as to her whereabouts. At the insistence of his good friend Dom, he hires private eye Pat Healy to track her down in Miami. There's something about Pat Healy that spells, well -- HEEL! Healy is the type of guy who looks more like a used car salesman than an insurance claims investigator... the type of guy, who, after finding Mary in Miami, lies to his client about her current situation. Though a little older now, Mary is even more beautiful than Ted recalls, with a successful medical career and a soft spot for the handicapped. However, Healy informs Ted, in his efforts to keep Mary for himself, that she has become a mail-order bride, an overweight, wheelchair-bound mother of four kids out-of-wedlock. But, the real jerk is Healy, who, obsessed and totally in love with Mary, lies about his own background in trying to win her love. A competition for Mary's affections ensues when Ted finds out that Healy lied to him. He drives down to Miami from his home in Rhode Island to hopefully rekindle a romance that held promise many years before. But, another complication arises when Mary discovers that Ted